Hiatus 2017

I’m am 100% confident I have another blog post titled “Hiatus’.

Hi! Remember us?

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But for real.  I left this little slice of web alone for well over a year. I was feeling a bit of a struggle between documenting life and living life.  I LOVE my mom blogs (absolute fav) and I felt a desire to have everything so well documented, something that I could reference until the inter-webs crash (…probably reading too many dystopia novels).

Problem is, I just don’t spend that much time on a device.  Honestly, even without blogging, I think I spend a little bit too much time surfing Insta and FB and I’m still usually the last one to see a post or hear the news.   There must be a trick to being a mom of one, two or five kiddos and still finding time to blog/Instagram/Facebook but I just don’t know that secret.  I’m thinking those mommies must not sleep and that is something I’m NOT willing to give up.  (hahahaha..sleep.)

Moving into 2018, I’ve decided I want to write again.  When I can.  I want to update and track and document and share. When I can.  My family is number one and everything else comes after that.  Well, God is numero uno actually but you get what I mean. He comes before all else.

So here’s the update:

I went back to work.  Gasp.  And I LOVE it. Cough.  Like really love it.  Choke.

If you know me, you know my background is HR.  When we became a single family income, I tried think of all kinds of SAHM ideas to bring in extra money AND to give me something to do.  I wanted to be a photographer (like Brittany).  I wanted to own a small online shop of cute tees.  I wanted to do alllll the things I saw other SAHMs creating and working and balancing a family.

What ended up actually occurring was I realized those are all super HARD work also.  I had zero knowledge of photography and although I learned a LOT online, I really needed hands on guidance.  Editing also took up SO MUCH time.  I would get faster the more I worked with it but watching You tube videos and reading tutorials, while working on a photo was time consuming.

I also failed miserably at sewing.  I tried but probably not nearly hard enough.  I also really wanted hands on learning.  I want to ask a question, “what did I do wrong here?”  You Tube didn’t help much with that either.  Afterwards, I learned that I was actually starting out with a pretty difficult fabric to work with for a beginner.

That is my learning style though.  I’m a very visual and interactive student.  If I had more patience and time, maybe I could have excelled at both.  Now that the boys are FOUR, maybe I’ll try again.  Or maybe I’ll wait a little longer.

In the meantime, an opportunity presented itself in my “corporate world”.  It was going to be a 3 month contract position and my mom volunteered to live with us (eek!) and watch the boys while I tried this whole working-outside-the-home thing again.  A few things lead me to take this opportunity.

  1. It was temporary.  If I didn’t like it, I’d quit.
  2. It was exactly what I was looking to do (in HR) before I had the opportunity to be a SAHM.
  3. It would be an easy transition for the Nugs because they’d be with their Momo.  Their schedule and school days would stay the same and everything.
  4. The role was for four months and I was guaranteed flexibility

I started in October 2017 and I’m actually waiting to hopefully be hired on full-time.  That’s what they keep telling me at least.  Its an outstanding locally headquartered company and my boss is the best part.  She was a SAHM for almost 20 years and she has made the transition so great.  I know my experience could have been much different so I’m very grateful.

handsome boys

The Nuggets.  They’ve have had a harder time transitioning.  They most definitely do NOT like going to school every day.  We put them in a Primrose school and they go from 7:30a-4/4:30p and even after two months it’s still a little challenging.

Once they get to school it’s fine.  Most of the time they do not want to go home when we pick them up.  But the battles of getting out of bed, dressed and out the door are tough.  It’s super tough on me because I feel like I’m making the wrong decision but let me tell you how it was before I went back to work.

Corbin and Weston were SICK and tired of me.  And to be honest, I was a bit worn out with them too.  Maybe more then “just a bit”.  Both boys were always SO excited to see Daddy when he came home from work and I was pretty much always chopped liver.  I was constantly desperate to get out of the house and would dump the boys on the Hubs far too often because I needed a break. They went to school Tues/Thurs from 9a-2:30p which was great but  I dealt with the guilt of doing “nothing” while they were in school and I didn’t want to spend money either.  So I started working with a friend, helping with her business, credit card sales (not my dream job) and I was feeling a bit more fulfilled.

Then I received an email from a friend/old coworker and she told me about this opportunity. After some discussion with the Hubs, and the commitment from my mom, I decided to go for it.  Since they’ve extended my contract, I’ve been happily growing relationships with adults and learning so much.

So that’s where we’re at right now.  I’m not sure the boys are in the best school for what works for us but that’s another story and decision for another time.  There is no way I can catch everything up that has happened for the last 16 months so we’ll just move forward.

XOXO

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I’m Sorry.

I’m not perfect.

Whhhhhhat? You think.

It’s true.

No, in all seriousness.  I feel like I owe a lot of people apologies.

The Lindsey that owes these apologies is the “pre-mommy Lindsey”. I knew, very shortly after having the boys, I would eat a LOT of crow.  I have always been pretty opinionated.  I felt that, it’s my opinion and I’m entitled to it, so whatevs.  My opinions or comments were never made in malicious ways or were ever intended to hurt anyone.  Isn’t there a country song with lyrics like, “the road to hell is paved in good intentions…”?

First, I’m sorry to any mom that uses, used or intends to use formula.  I never actually commented on anyone’s choice not to nurse (without knowing why) but I made sure to announce that I would do everything in my power to breastfeed.

Guess what? I did.  Annnnd the boys were still on formula.  After having children, I was welcomed into the world of mom’s that couldn’t nurse. And then the group of momma’s that accept and support you, regardless of how you provide nutrition to your baby. Formula or BF and more importantly regardless of the reasons for that choice.  I was so surprised that, even with all my conviction, I still couldn’t exclusively breastfeed.

Second, I’m sorry to co-sleeping parents.  I never said anything out loud to anyone who sleeps/slept with their kiddos in their bed but boy did I think it.  “How could they ever put their children in harms way like that?” “WHY?!?!” I read all the horror stories and even knew of someone (through someone) where the daddy rolled over on the infant and suffocated him.  Aside from how unbelievably, horribly tragic it was, I thought to myself, why would they even risk it!?!

Guess who slept (albeit, very uneasily) with the boys?  We did.  I was very nervous but we still did it.  I also learned many, many parents do as well.

I pretty much owe an apology to every woman out there that was a mom before me.  I just didn’t know yet.  I formed opinions and passed judgment (I know, I know) on something I really knew nothing about firsthand.  I might have read or learned things but you don’t truly know until you are parent. So, I’m sorry all mommies out there (pre-2013).  I now know you were doing everything you could, to do it all the best way you knew how, for your own children.

I hope if I put my apology out to the universe, I will be forgiven for the error of my ways and hopefully enlighten some “pre-mommy’s” to keep an open mind!!

XOXO

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So Much

I’m so lucky.

I’m so busy with life happenings that I don’t even have enough time to blog.  I’ve said it before, if this generated enough income so that I didn’t have to work, I’d be a full time blogger.  Since that dream hasn’t come true (nor have I put enough effort into it) I am busy working full time and being a mommy 24/7.   That means that my blog will unfortunately be cyclical.  Which also means any reader that I started to recruit…I’ll lose.

Thanks to anyone who continues to check in and see if I’ve posted in 6789 days….Mom. 🙂

So much has been going on!!!

My boys were baptized.  Finally.

Traditionally, in the Catholic religion babies are usually baptized pretty quickly.  Within the first three months. Typically.  Since my boys were discouraged from major public areas I missed that inital window.  And then things got hectic and I missed the next window.  Then I was approaching 10 months and I finally got it on the calendar. 

It was mostly family.

It was beautiful.

I have a very special bestie who agreed to be both boys Godmother and my younger brother agreed to be their Godfather.  There are many special people in our lives that I would have wanted to possibly be a Godparent/sponser but picking became difficult.  So we left it up to the religious aspect and selected only individuals that would assist us in bringing the boys up Catholic.

Are we perfect in our religious ways. NOPE.  The Hubs isn’t even Catholic but because he is indifferent and he knows my preference, he agreed and supported our decision. 

Very special day.

Next.

THE NUGGETS ARE TEN MONTHS OLD! 

What!?!?!?!?!?  When did that happen?! 

Weston has three, yes you read that correctly, three top teeth coming in right now.  He is still a pretty easy going baby.  I told you I was lucky.  Go back up to the top…re-read it if you need to. 

I was honestly wondering if we were going to make it to the one year mark with only two bottom teeth.  I imagine Corbin’s will start coming in pretty soon as well.

These boys.  They have some attitude.   Some real personality.  They absolutely see each other now.  They scream argue at each other when toys are taken by the other (I was curious when this would start to happen).  Corbin lets you know when he wants something.  Anything.  Everything.  Especially your cell phone.

Weston is pretty chill. He has developed a rash.  I’m positive it’s a food intolerance but I’m having challenges determining which food.  I’m thinking its dairy.  Even with his itchy rash and three teeth, he’s still chill. 

The Nuggets are still sleeping pretty well.  We’re on two naps a day and a bed time between 6:00pm-7:00 pm.  Wake up is also between 6:00am-….who am I kidding…it’s pretty much 6:00 am.  Wishful thinking for a wake up at 7am.  But I will take it and realized I’m very lucky.  There are mama’s out there still trying to get their babe to sleep through the night. 

I cannot believe I am saying this but we are starting to think about The Nuggets first birthday party.  My heart hurts because as a working mommy, I feel like I’m missing so much but I’m greatful that boys have a full time nanny to cater to them at home.  We recently went through the process of replacing our nanny (she decided to pursue other career opportunities) and it was incredibly stressful.  I will strongly consider a way to stay home if that happens again. 

My beautiful family

The Nuggets and their Godparents

The most special people that came to celebrate with us

10 month old Nuggets

Big boy Corbin

Weston and all his cuteness
Thanks to any of you still reading and as soon as I have more time (in about 4 years) maybe I’ll be able to update more than once a month…eek! 😉

Being a Parent

Warning: Mushy post alert!!

EVERYONE says there is no love like the love you have for your children. They also say you cannot quite comprehend what that love is like until you have children of your own. 

I agree.
I wasn’t sure I agreed before. I thought, I love The Hubs with my whole heart. I thought I had been in love before him but I was wrong and I figured that out, once I felt the kind of love that we have now. I was sure I could totally comprehend strong love for kiddos as well. I was wrong again. Not to say that my love for my husband is any less strong than my love for the Nuggets, it’s just different.
I feel so fullfilled now. I am one lucky, blessed girl to have both of those types of love in my life. My boys cannot really show me that love yet but I’m sure my heart will explode when that day comes. 
The Hubs continues to amaze me with his patience and partnership throughout this ordeal. I only hope I love him back the way he shows me he loves me every day.
I seriously think I slobbered on Corbin today with all the kisses I was raining on his little head. 
Now the best news of all, Weston got his feeding tube out! He’s been pulling it out several times over the last few days. Well last night he took all of his bottles over night therefore they didn’t have to put it back in. He even ate a little extra at his 2 am feeding!! I’m so proud and excited and nervous. I fed him his supplement after nursing and this kiddo was choking food down he was eating so fast! I feel like there is light t the end I the tunnel with Wes! 
Even though I’m breastfeeding, we are limiting the time spent on the breast because they are slower (getting better tho) and we aren’t sure exactly how much they get. Then we supplement a bottle with pumped milk that is fortified with extra calories to help them gain weight. Complicated stuff, I tell ya.
Keep sending the prayers our way, I just want my family together, at home and healthy!

Birth Story

Isn’t that the name of a show on TLC? Wait, I think that’s A Baby Story. Either way it catalogs the birth of a baby. I used to watch that show with so much excitement of when it would be my turn. That became sadness and resentment over the years of infertility. Now I have (finally) my own story to tell.
It isn’t a super crazy ohmygishwealmostdeliveredinthecar kind of story but it’s my exciting story nonetheless.
Last Tuesday evening, I was talking to The Hubs about possibly canceling the scheduled c-section. I wanted to go into labor. I wanted my body to say “okay, it’s time to bring these boys into the world”. I knew I’d still be having a c section but I didn’t want the timing to be up to a doctor. I knew that could mean I would be pregnant longer than the selected timeframe but it’s what I wanted. The Hubs didn’t love the idea. He liked a nice clean, scheduled date. Well, it ended up not mattering anyways.
Around 1:00 am Wednesday morning, I got up to pee. I was a bit irritated because I had just gotten up at midnight already and I could usually make it two hours in between visits to the restroom. When I was done I remember thinking it felt like I had extra discharge, so I flipped the light on to make sure it wasn’t blood. Nope. No blood. Back to bed.
Once I climbed back in and finally found a semi-comfy position, I felt that extra discharge again. Darn it. 
I got up to go find a panty liner and had to jump back on the toilet as I could feel it increase. Uh oh. I think my water broke. Or more precisely, is breaking.
I put new undies on and went to call my doctor’s officec and the little automated message said, “if your water breaks, head to L&D”. 
I went to wake The Hubs, who bolted out if bed and asked if I “was kidding”. Nope. It’s go time.
My water continued to “break” all the way to the hospital. A friend had warned me about this possibility, so I grabbed a hand towel on the way out the door. I should have grabbed a beach towel!
Once at the hospital, things seemed to move at hyper speed. Since we were a c section, they didn’t check me but once. I was at one cm dilated and contractions were steady, not too painful but definitely noticeable. Turns out my doctor was on call! It also turned out her vacation started at 7am that morning. 
So we were thinking we would get checked in and would be set up for surgery in the morning. Nope. Let’s get this show on the road.
My water broke at 1:00 am.
We were checked in and triaged by 2:30-3:00ish.
Prepped for surgery from  a little after 3:00 am-4:00 am.
Babies were born at 4:25 am and 4:26 am!
As I’ve said again and again, I really would have rather had them vaginally but the c-section wasn’t horrible. I don’t want to do it again, but I survived it without any emotional scarring.
Additionally, with the boys being in the NICU, I talk to the nurses all the time and they think we did the right thing. They see the worst outcomes of births going awry and that in my situation, with Nugget B/Corbin being breech, I made the best choice for the babies.
As much as I want my sons to both come home, the care at Baylor Medical Center at Grapevine has been awesome. I work with/at this hospital, so I knew I was making a great choice but the staff of nurses on the Mom/baby unit and the NICU, are really wonderful and caring ladies and have exceeded my expectations. I’m so grateful that if the boys have to be in a NICU it’s there with the team I’ve grown to know really care about my family.