Patience (or Lack There Of…)

So let me tell you how this two week waiting period has gone for me.

First, I’m pregnant!! I can just tell! Power of positive thinking! Research the Internet on percentage of success rates on first IVF.
Next, I feel exactly the same.  I have no symptoms, there is no way I’m pregnant.  Research the Internet for anyone else with no symptoms. Learn about people who’ve had to go through SIX IVF treatments.  Positive thinking going down the drain…
Then, maaaaybe I’m pregnant.  I don’t have the “typical symptoms” but I do feel different. More Internet research.
Now, I’m so in my head it’s not even funny.  I’m not pregnant one minute and the next I am.

I don’t know if this my way of trying to cope with getting a negative beta result on Friday or not.  I started off only being positive and thought that it would be the best approach.  But then one evening when I couldn’t distract myself enough from thinking about it, I broke down.  I guess I just admitted to myself that it might not happen.  IVF isn’t magical and it definitely isn’t a guarantee.   The percentage of success for a couple like us, are the best they can be, but they are still only 60%.  That is not that great. 

Today is Wednesday.  The doctors and nurses at IVF MD told me NOT to be pee on a stick before my appointment on Friday.  They stated so many times people get false positive and false negatives because of all the drugs.  I would be devastated if I had a false positive…buuuut sometimes I think it would be better to get the negative news at home where I can bawl my eyes out in peace verses trying to keep it together in front of the nurses and anyone else in the office.  I’m too nervous and afraid of getting a negative so I’ll just wait until Friday.

My experiences so far (Warning: possibly TMI):

  • After the transfer, I was bloated and slightly sore for about a day.  I stayed on the couch allllll day.  Insert the Hubs awesome nursing skills again.
  • The remainder of last week, I worked from home and took it easy.  My ovaries were still sore, I was still bloated but not as bad and some of the weight gain had started to decrease.
  • I think it was Friday evening I had a major cramp that almost took my breath away.
  • Saturday we ran a few errands but halfway through the day, I was done.  I felt like maybe I was over doing it b/c my ovaries were uncomfortable again.
  • Sunday we did church and then since the weather was nice, we went to the park.  We only walked around leisurely for about two mile but again, I was done.
  • This week, I’m back at work but I feel more bloated.  Like half of my pants don’t fit and I’ve been living-in-yoga-pants-kind-of-bloated.  I’m worried about Ovarian Hyper Stimulation Syndrome (the name is pretty self explanatory).  My abs hurt, kind of like I did a lot of crunches but not quite the same type of “pain”. Maybe more like when I stretch they feel really tight…? Maybe from sitting on my butt so much?
  • I don’t have any more cramps, I haven’t had any bleeding (possible sign of implantation), my boobs aren’t especially sore, I’m not nauseous and I don’t really pee any more than normal. Ugh!

I have two more days.  I can make it two more days.  I asked the Hubs if he would go into work late on Friday so he would come with me for my blood work.  Mostly because I will really really need his support if it’s a zero.

What do ya think?

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